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Monday, July 18, 2011

The first, most important rule of homebrewing

By Steve Siciliano

This is a post for guys whose “significant others” don’t share their passion for beer. More specifically, it is for the aforementioned males who also homebrew and who might have been guilty of trashing the kitchen, who might have been scolded for leaving Designing Great Beer on the bathroom floor, who have argued the necessity of putting a raging fermenter in a clothes closet and who are quite capable of responding to the question “Honey, what shall we do this Saturday?”, with some version of the following: “Uh, five of the guys are coming over and we’re having an all-day brew session.”

If you fall into the above category and have been guilty of any of those transgressions or are quite capable of committing them in the future, I put to you this question: What is the first and most important rule in homebrewing?

Sanitation, you say?

Nope.

Pitching the proper amount of healthy yeast?

Sorry.

Maintaining proper fermentation temperatures?

Wrong again.

Here it is gentlemen—the first rule for guys like you is keeping that non beer-loving, significant other happy.

Let's get right to the point. If the woman in your life is not, for whatever reason, happy about your hobby, there's a good chance that you won't be happy either. In fact, there's a distinct possibility that your homebrewing days are numbered and that your fermenters, carboys, bottles, hydrometers, stir plates, cappers and corny kegs will someday end up on the front lawn with hand-written price stickers on them. But don't despair—there's something you can do to make your beloved hobby more palatable to your beloved, especially if your wives and girlfriends love wine just as much as you love beer.

What I'm suggesting, of course, is that you keep your better halfs supplied with batches of delicious wine made from the ingredient kits available at our store. Much of the same equipment used to brew beer can also be used to make wine. You might have to add another primary fermenter, a six gallon carboy and a corker to your inventory, but, I think you'll agree, it's a relatively small price to pay if it helps maintain a blissful relationship and the continuation of a blissful hobby.

Come to think of it, I have no doubt that it would also work wonders with mother-in-laws.

Siciliano's offers an extensive selection of Wine Expert ingredient kits, ranging in price from $60 to $150. All kits make about 30 bottles of wine (6 gallons).

4 comments:

  1. Always sanitize your bunghole!

    ReplyDelete
  2. As Charlie says, "Relax, don't worry, Have a Homebrew" (RDWHAHB)

    ReplyDelete
  3. My brew baby need not woo me with a wine. He already pulld through with a stout, and as I am currently pregnant, due in Oct, I have put him on a mission to brew a pumpkin ale in time for me to enjoy after our babies birth.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Or date a woman who loves beer!

    ReplyDelete